10.31.2006

today was one of the days that brings my feeling of self worth to somewhere around zero... tomorrow i'll probably get my physics test back... this could very well put me in the negative... i have never been this frustrated/torn down by classes... i feel so defeated... tomorrow i'll spend some time in the lab that usually helps...

in a month and a half and the pain will stop... i can see the end... that's what keeps me going... i can hang on till then...

i didn't get any beggars yet... i didn't know what to expect so i bought some candy...

i'm not doing a good job dropping the pounds.. i've only lost 5 in the past two months... my goal was another 10 by the end of the year... so we'll see, i've planned some changes...

i was thinking how in a year i know where i'll be... and 18 months i have a good idea... but then things are going to be weird... i'tll be the first time that my life isn't pretty much planned... there has always been school... elementary, junior high, high school undergrad, grad... in a bit over a year it'll just be work... only work, no return to school... unless i say hey phd! but i doubt that right now... the idea of just work kind of scares me... but i am really sick of the school thing...

something positive... i'm sure there's something but my puppy needs some attention...

10.30.2006

i'm tired of class... i can't wait till i can just spend all day in the lab doing lab stuff... i feel so much more accomplished then...

i found a new music mail-order company, COP, that i'm going to start giving my business to. in most cases they have better prices than metropolis, cheaper shipping, some different stuff that i couldn't find at metro, plus they're a lot more personal. i ordered a single from metro, and it was out of stock and i didn't know until i received my order and there was a little note on my receipt. with COP i received an email telling me they'd ship the cd that was in stock and the same single was out of stock here as well, but he asked if i still wanted it when they got it back in stock in two weeks. i said sure, and then he waved the second shipping cost. so long as COP has the album i want they'll get my business.

i had trouble sleeping last night... stupid red bull, it shouldn't be effecting me 8 hours after i drink it should it? i didn't sleep till almost 3... i had the bull around 6:30...

i don't want my physics test back...

10.29.2006

i don't do titles any more... it's too much work...

ahh!! everything is happening so fast... museum was fun... i paid two dollars and a machine made a injection molded henry ford figure for me... he lives on my desk now... drank some good beer, i'm a pale ale kind of guy now, american to british to indian pale ales, the hoppier the better! slept...

today i cleaned a bunch of trash out of my car... i vacuumed my car... i washed my car... i returned cans... i went shopping... bought shirt pants and a slightly heavier coat that i like... a lot... i got lunch at chipotle... went to Sam's... bought Case of red bull, bottled water, pickles, oatmeal, deodorant... talked to my mommy for 40 minutes... walked tay... worked on take home stochastics exam... i didn't get anything done... i hate school...

friday was physics test... i'll be lucky to get a 30%... everyone i talked to felt about the same... we walked out looked at each other laughed and said WTF...

i thought i was done with her after extending and invite to the museum and that going ignored, but tonight i got a reply apologizing for not getting back sooner and that it would have been fun... the door's not shut yet, wee?

i have a radio clock thing that gets the time beamed to it from colorado... it also has a wireless sensor to put outside to monitor the temperature... i had the sensor sitting on my balcony... we've had heavy winds the last few days... it got blown off... which would have been fine except there's a bucket of concrete below me that is used to support a pole for a satellite dish... the sensor of course fell into this 12 inch diameter bucket that had a couple inches of water on top of the concrete... so it is not working at the moment...

i'm swearing a lot lately... school's just so frustrating... no one knows how to do some of the parts of the stochastic exam... the prof is so terrible... i can't even read the notes because they piss me off... they're hand written, he'll switch between cursive and print in the middle of words and the notation in his notes is different from that of the book... grr!!

dayton next weekend... again... gives me something to look forward to? it'll be less hectic than last time...

10.23.2006

ah... dayton went okay overall... friday night was stressful after supper... reminded me that i really don't mind living alone... at all...

work went ok... we need to do some more work on the scanner to see some details better... then today i found out i may be working on it up here... if we would have known this two days ago it could already be up here... now i'm not sure how we're going to get it up here... it'll be a bigger work load, wee... but i know how to play around with it... i won't feel like i've been thrown into the middle of the ocean and told i have to swim to land... which every project i've tried to work on with one guy has been... i'm sort of glad that we'll be splitting paths now... i'll still try to make time to help another guy out... i like doing stuff for him a lot more... and he's tons more helpful... so it'll be my own projects and some side stuff for the guy i like... i think... i hope... i can live with that...

my cd's came today... i've only really listened to the And One album... i like it... its mostly if not all in german... they use natural vocals, which i sort of prefer these days... they're not as mellow and calming as wolfsheim and not nearly as umm... aggressive sounding as most wumpscut... so i currently view them as a happy middle ground of german electronic music...

i did listen to a bit of the tactical sekt album... it seemed about what i expected... nothing stands out yet, seems a bit generic...

i had the psyclon nine album on as back ground in my apartment id didn't really listen to... what i remember is it was definitely psyclon nine with creepy vocals and very harsh sound...

have not listened to the new vac yet.. i think i'll put that on now...

no halloween party, but we're going to go to the henry ford museum during the day and find some other stuff to do in the evening... so this opens the door for a final attempt...

quiz friday... fuck it...

have nip/tuck season 3 from my sis...

that's about it right now...

well, the halloween party has been canceled due to the host losing his job... so here's me pretending to be hunter... i think if i did some drugs i would look less angry... i guess i have a potential costume for next year then...

10.20.2006

dayton stresses me out...

10.18.2006

hooray music!

ehh... i failed a "pop-quiz" today... a 5 question "pop-quiz", each question with multiple parts, that took over an hour to do... MSU has a farked up definition of "pop-quiz"...

i calibrated the e4991a into submission today... i was scared i broke her for awhile... that wouldn't be good... she's a pricey beast... i could probably buy a couple houses in flint for less than her...

my crazy october of live shows has wound down... the next show i know i'd like ot attend isn't till nov. 28th... for the past month or so i'd been listening to almost exclusively bands i'd be seeing live... now i'm not sure what to listen to... i dusted off some blutengel and vac... i also realized i hadn't made a purchase from metropolis since june... and i really like to support "my" music scene as much as i can... just this week i read that a "successful" industrial album sells between 500-1000 copies... so the scene needs as much help as it can get... i happened to get paid this week... and i'm going down to dayton this weekend to do some stuff for my boss, so there's some added cash there as well... so tonight i ordered a few cd's...

i pre-ordered the psyclon nine's new album that comes out next week, they're the band i hope to see the 28th... i'm excited to witness the vocals live... they are hands down the creepiest vocals i've every heard, they're what nightmares are made of... and actually seeing a human make those sounds, even though they are processed between his mouth and my ears, it rather unnerving... atleast it was for grendel... i also decided to purchase the new vac... after all he's probably the band that did the most to turn me on to industrial music in the first place... also got a tactical sekt album... they're the band that did the remix of grendel's pax psychosis that i love... so i thought i'd give them a little love in return... and i rounded it off with and one's last album and a single from their upcoming album... the single is titled "military fashion show"... sounds sexy...

i suppose music if nothing else will keep me going...

i look forward to going home... i get ot see my parents, i get to see my boss, i may see a couple friends... i think saturday after i'm done with my boss i'm going to meet my sister and parents after the OSU game, we'll probably have a meal out for my sister's birthday, then i'm considering staying in columbus for the night and seeing "the prestige" with my sister... sunday would be a return trip here then...

i want my HST gear here now!

10.17.2006

things are going...

went to ann arbor last night meet J there, we had some supper and drink and went to a VNV Nation DJ set... it was a pretty good time... she found a really awesome bar that had god knows how many beers on tap... and the music was surprisingly pleasant in my opinion... i need to find a place like that here... there is one place... but i don't like the atmosphere much... and the service is shit... there's two other places i want to try...

neither of us knew what to expect of the DJ set... just the band members playing some songs, not even theirs all the time... it was nice to get out and see a new club... i liked the set up... in general the crowd was pretty young though...

today was today... talked to my boss... went to lab... did some measurements... the e4991a is pissing me off... i just needed one more set of data but i can't get it to cal right... i'm going to try again tomorrow... maybe my touch was just getting off after 3 hours of quality time with it...

its later than i thought... ergh...

10.15.2006

a wedding and some (final?) reflections...

another exciting weekend, i had a really great time... i thought the wedding went well... it was good to see kosh and khautz... it had been too long... i found the photographer strangely attractive... maybe if she was ~10 years younger...

i bruised the palm of my left hand in the late hours of the night... i was talking about how i'd hit something/someone "like the fist of an angry god"... so being generously inebriated i found it necessary to act out the action... and started punching my left hand with my right fist... so there is a bruise now... it doesn't really hurt but it is visible... i laugh whenever i see it...

i'm past exhausted now though... i didn't sleep well last night... 3 hours would be a high estimate for the amount of sleep i got... i don't usually have much trouble falling asleep at night.. cause i am very tired... but once i wake up i can rarely go back under if it's after 7... my mind just won't settle then... i need more sleep but i just can't get it... saturday i was up before 8 after going to bed around 2 or 3... i could have sleep two more hours and would have accomplished the exacts same things in the day...

khautz suggested i dress up as hunter s. thompson for halloween... and i now find this to be a fantastic idea... and it is what i will be doing... in a still slightly drunk state this morning i purchased a cigarette holder and set of aviator sunglasses on ebay... i'm going to shop around some for an appropriate hat.. i already have acapulco shirts... i have an old briefcase in dayton i'll bring up next weekend...it'll be fun... i have FNL on now... i'll have it on in the back ground in my apartment often this week to get me in the mood...

i was asked about her last night... i could extrapolate on eeeeeehhhhhh, i suppose... there were a couple messages exchanged... just some small talk... i always replied, she did a couple times, always seemed pleasant and asked me questions which i would answer... but after a couple unreplied messages i don't find it proper to pursue much further... she's in the detroit area now, as far as i can tell... i figured sometime that i know i'm going to be over there i'd go out on a limb and see if she'd care to meet for a bite to eat or coffee or halloween party or something... but if that doesn't go through, it's the end of the road i guess... at least i didn't completely freak her out and she's on my myspace friends list now... my eyes have already opened to others...(see wedding photographer, errr, the girl in the library this evening)... but i just find her so absolutely stunning... her face and hair, just amazing... the wonderful eastern european look that i would be an absolute slave to... she had a great aura of confidence and maturity... i really guessed she was a few years older than she is, but she's my age... not because she looks old, just from her general presence... very pretty name, she goes by a shortened form of it i'd never heard before but find very pleasing... i really wish there was something there... but what else can i really do at this point... and she is even a libra... which i normally wouldn't really give any weight to... but me and libra's, i think there is something there... all but one of the few girls i've ever really wanted something more with have been libra's... even my sister is a libra, i get along with her brilliantly... so what have i learned... need to be more aggressive when i have the chance... i think that's it... when i see something i like, don't dilly dally hoping something will just happen one day... i'm really painfully picky in what i find attractive... i'm a face person... and i can't really describe what i like about faces, i mean i could see myself finding some scarring or something attractive... i just find they can be enchanting... they also are the most likely physical feature to turn me away... if that makes me shallow i'm shallow... i'm so used to being alone i'd rather not "settle"... so who knows what the future holds... a life can be transformed in the shortest instant...

her room is already re-occupied... the new tenant works in the office here... she seems far tackier, "no parking" signs and beer mugs in her windows... she seems to attract a new crowd to the building that rubbed me the wrong way in the one encounter i've had with them... oh well... that's that, and i'm ready to move on... i suppose there's always a glimmer of hope, we know how to get a hold of each other if we ever feel so led in the future... but i'm not holding my breath...

i should try to sleep soon... another week means 7 more action packed days, huzzah!

10.12.2006

uhg... if anything i'm feeling worse... i went to the health center on campus today... never once did i use the one at kettering... the dr. didn't want to give me anything, she said it was still probably just a cold... and granted a the time i was i didn't feel all that bad.. my nose wasn't running, my throat didn't hurt, i wasn't coughing... but this morning i felt like death... and i'm getting there again now... so i bugged her a bit more and she agreed to write me a prescription, but to wait a few days before getting it filled... i didn't wait... the written instructions said "see if the symptoms will resolve spontaneously"... that didn't give me a warm fuzzy feeling... so i have drugs, and we'll see if they do anything... if not i was wrong and its not a sinus infection and it is just a nasty cold... but it'll prevent it from going into an infection...

its been snowing most of the day...which seems crazy to me... the earliest i ever remember it snowing growing up in ohio was the last week of october... i got to trick or treat in the snow on year... but usually it's mid november before the first snow... right now i'm glad to see the snow... it makes being sick not as painful... i'd hate to be sick during some of the last nice days of fall... i say this now... check back in three months... but do like winter, i like the snow... i like how it makes everything white and gray... i just like the lack of colour... it also changes how the world sounds... maybe it's just the cold.. but maybe it's the snow... just outside sounds different... softer or something... but i like it... its an almost magical feeling to me...

last night i started catching up on something positive... i forgot how absolutely wonderfully it can be...

talking with the others, they're getting frustrated with classes too... i'm glad to hear that... i'm glad i'm not alone in my feelings... and they saved my ass today, i haven't been able to do homework... i've been sleeping or trying to sleep so long as i've not been in class...

back to webcomics till 9:30, then i'll take tay out for the last time, then i'll sleep...

10.10.2006

i'm still ill, i'm resting as much as i can, i need to get better for this weekend... i think i'm a bit better this evening... still coughing, still feel like shit.. but i dunno.. i think i feel a little better for some reason...

i feel like life has shifted gears on me again... a couple weeks seem like years... things feel different now, i don't really like it... i rarely open my blinds now... i could sit in a window less room and be every bit as comfortable... i find myself wanting to dance alone in my apartment while listening to future pop...

i was looking through lots of my old photos from flint for a scrap book K is making for P and H... lots of good memories... people look so young... i had hair... nostalgia, yum...

the wedding... i picked up my tux today... i suppose i look dapper in it... i'm sure there will be plenty of pictures of me in it...

i need to find a kennel for taylor this weekend... i should have been thinking of this before now...

school has me overwhelmed... i'd give anything for a bit of the cockiness i had a couple weeks ago.. i did fine on the tests.. but the new material has me lost... everyone is lost... i talked to my boss last week, he could tell just from my voice that i felt overwhelmed... it nice to have a boss that can tell and cares...

once i make it through december thing should get easier... until then it is going to be rough and their are no signs of it letting up, in fact i'm sure things will get worse before they get better... i'll have little things along the way ot keep me going though...

wedding saturday... vnv nation dj set monday... home that weekend... halloween party(?) next... thanksgiving before too long... and after that it'll be a fantastic fury of final projects and exams.... then there will be a few weeks of calm before...

now time for more rest...

st. patrick's cathedral, dublin, ireland

10.08.2006

argh... i'm getting sick... i broke myself...

10.06.2006

from sweden with love...

wow, last night's show was great. Rotersand blew me away, they put on a much more amazing show than i had honestly expected them to. i'm finding i have a special connection to bands with bald members... with rotersand 2 of 3 members are bald... yay... most of the time really looked like they were having fun... one song was kind of creepy, three angry sounding germans standing on stage shouting "exterminate! annihilate! destroy!"

the second band Imperative Reaction wasn't bad, but i wasn't really taken away by them. They had the standard american industrial sound. One of the members looked very similar to a guy in another american industrial band called system syn... i like system syn's sound a lot more though...

then, it was covenant... needless to say, it was a fantastic experience... they played all the song i hoped they would... but with two encores "from sweden with love" with three songs apiece it was hard for them not to... just wonderful...

in comparing european and american industrial bands i've noticed the europeans ones usually have a much cleaner, professional in some cases, look... i mean covenant wears suits for their shows... where as american bands tend to look more stereotypical goth, with crazy crazy and what not... watch my generalization be shattered tonight during the combichrist/kmfdm show...

after the show we were informed about VNV Nation members doing a 4 hour DJ set in Ann Arbor the 16th... we're considering going to that as well.

now to rest up for the rest of my week...

10.04.2006

cut nails

this weekend it pretty much planned just waiting on confirmations from everyone... i should try to get a lot of sleep tonight... after tonight i won't have a full night's sleep till Sunday...

i was exhausted by 6 today... then i got a second wind, a second wind of stupid ass mode where everything is funny and i can't keep my mouth shut and all sorts of stupidness spills out... now that's over and i'm in the i should sleep but it's not even 10 mode...

this morning in physics i realized i needed to cut my nails... so i wrote it on the underside of my wrist... H saw it tonight and laughed at me... i didn't remember to cut my nails till i took my contacts out and saw the note... but they're cut now, so all is well...

tay wants attention, who am i to deny her that.

10.03.2006

tay got into her bag of food while i was gone today... i have no idea how much she ate... she'd never gotten into it before... but now its put out of her reach... she also goes apeshit whenever the UPS guy drives through the parking lot... i wish i could break her of that...

exam is as done as it is going to get... i made some stuff up when i got to the point of no longer caring... it made me feel stupid... fields homework is not done... there is time to spend on that tomorrow... but it really is vile... it made me feel used...

tomorrow afternoon i think i'll have a chance to decompress... thursday will be an intense day of physics homework followed by me skipping out around 5 to head to detroit again... hooray covenant! i wonder how traffic will be... 96 seems rather finicky... yesterday i made it in a hair over an hour... other times it's taken me nearly an hour just to get to 23... i'll probably leave my apartment around 5:30...

and the path seems a bit brighter around the bend...

sounds like more storms tonight...

somewhere in scotland...

jesus christ, that was the loudest clap of thunder i had ever experienced... it set off about 5 car alarms...

concert was good... i should sleep at some point...

10.02.2006

a school shotting in amish country? that's pretty twisted...

to detroit i go... back late...

what scares me...

physics exam back... 71, and i'm pretty content with that... the class average was 74... there are 5 EE grad students and about 25 physics grad students, so i can hold my own with phys grad students so i'm happy... they scare me... in the science and math world here is my top five scariest majors...

1. math, utterly insane...

2. physics, not as insane, they smooth over some of the math theory as long as the math holds for physical situations...

3. chemists/ chemical engineers, i don't like chemistry i've never done all that well in it, so it's all voodoo to me...

4. electrical engineers, me... still nuts, most of what they do you can't see or touch, but it's everywhere... i seem to be able to hack it here...

5. computer engineers, these classes twisted my mind in knots and i really hated them by the end... maybe if there were more lab and less lecture it would have been better for me...

anyways back to school... i still don't know what sparty and his buddies are up to...

10.01.2006

this test makes me laugh...

i should be working, but this exam is too amusing...

Every fall, Walter Wolverine (who is nicknamed “Wolvy”) and Spartan Squirrel (who is nicknamed “Sparty”) collect acorns to store away for the winter months. The Wolverine family does not eat acorns, so Sparty is not sure why Wolvy does this; he assumes it is because Wolverines are not very bright. The two hunt for acorns on random days. The random variable a models the number of acorns collected on a given day. Here are the salient facts as determined by the MSU Department of Squirrel Ecology:

Either Wolvy or Sparty collects acorns every day, but they never collect acorns on the same day because they can’t stand the sight of one another.

Vito the Vulcher also eats acorns from the same area of the forest as Sparty and Wolvy, and Vito is tired of the competition. On a given Friday night, Vito decides that he is going to eat whoever has collected acorns on that day.2←unimportant footnote He decides that if 5 or more acorns have been taken, he will eat Sparty. Otherwise he will eat Wolvy. Given blah = 0.5, what is the probability that the Vito eats the animal who is truly responsible for the Friday collection?

Footnote 2 Violence is everywhere nowadays. Regrettably, even ECE 863 exams have violent content in the 21st century.


wish me luck sorting out the affairs of Wolvy, Sparty and Vito....

by the time we got to the range, it was 15 minutes before closing time, we thought it was open for another hour... ammunition was a good price M said, about the same as walmart, so that will save him trips in the future... they talked about going today but i have not heard from them and i had some other things i needed to do... like laundry... which i can't do, the machines have been tied up all day so far...this is what happens when i don't stick to my schedule...

i cut my hair, that's become a weekly thing... it still feels long... 1/8" and it still feels long, going bald seems like the right thing to do now... i did take a razor to my forehead for the first time today... i felt it was time to get rid of those few remaining hold outs of my widows peak... they're far too sparse for the clippers to really get them... i learned that when i decide to shave my head i'll need to find someone else to do it.. or to at least be on call.. i also pulled my back cutting my hair... it was when i did a little stretch, i wasn't even actively cutting at the moment it happened...

at 3 my take home midterm is posted... i hope to get that knocked out today...in 2 or 3 hours would be nice... then there was some talk about my former student making an authentic haitian dinner and i was invited, and i'll gladly accept if it comes to fruition...

the spartans... ::shakes head:: there nothing to say... you're going to lose your next two as well, michigan and ohio state... after this you can try to save your season but it could very well be over already...

buckeyes, another dominating performance, yay...nothing else to say here... they have an easy schedule till november when they face michigan... watched most of the game at M's last night got tired and came home near the end of the 3rd quarter, finished it here and went to bed...

bengals play new england today, but i'll be doing school work at that time...

schumacher won the chinese grand prix, tying alonso for the points lead with just the japanese and brazilian grand prixs left in the season... at this point i don't really care who wins... it'd be nice to see schumacher retire on top, but this may be alonso's last chance for awhile... he's going to mcclaren next season, and as much as i like mcclaren their cars are not front runners right now, and next season there are no huge technical changes allowed to the cars... i hope and think next season will be kimi and his first season with ferrari... i don't' think i'll ever have time to watch the race though, but it has been dvr'ed at P's...

this is the beginning of a crazy week... three trips to detroit and one to grand rapids... i'll be hitting the vitamin b and red bull pretty heavily by the end of the week i'm sure...